“Vacation” is a vague term. What is vacation for one person can be torture for another. Ultimately, it’s about escaping the stresses and headaches of your present reality. Whether that’s drinking them away on a sandy beach, overshadowing them through a demanding excursion, or pushing them aside whilst battling your foes in a game of live action role-playing, you should enjoy your time spent away from work.

And the only way to attain the peace of mind necessary to make the most of your vacation is knowing your entire IT office infrastructure is secure and available – no matter what. In this initial segment of “Axcient’s Top 5 Summer Vacation Ideas for Your Inner Geek” we will highlight the places and events that –while posing some sort of attraction—will leave the visitor wanting to RUN.

5. Superhero Museum

Number 5 on our list of “Worst IT Vacation Ideas” belongs to the quaint town of Elkhart, IN. As the 75th anniversary of Superman dawns upon us, it’s only natural to consider visiting the Superhero Hall of Fame, aka the Hall of Heroes. Only 150 miles north of Indianapolis, and boasting an unemployment rate on the verge of 20%, Elkhart not only claims ownership to the Hall of Heroes and all its glorious artifacts (including a replica of the 1960’s Bat-Cave, along with the original Superman costume worn by Mr. Kent himself), but also to the world-renowned “RV & Mobile Home Hall of Fame!”

In fact, other than the Superhero Hall of Fame — which has hundreds-of-thousands of original artifacts on display — the town in which it resides is a 3-hour drive from the nearest airport and has next-to-nothing else in its proximity. If you are looking to satisfy your inner geek without jeopardizing access to civilization, perhaps the “RV Capital of the World” isn’t the right fit for you. For these reasons, Elkhart has secured its spot as no. 5 on our list of “Worst IT Vacation Ideas.”

Special Offer: If you can track it down, mention this article as you check in to the Mobile Inn, and be automatically upgraded to a doublewide!

4. Sidi Driss Hotel

Located in Matmata, Tunisia (originally built by refugee Berbers over a century ago), the Sidi Driss Hotel, aka the “Star Wars Hotel,” provided the interior sets for the Lars homestead in “A New Hope,” and is firmly rooted at no. 4 on our list of “Worst IT Vacation Ideas.” For only $10 a night, guests can enjoy a luxurious stay in any of the few dozen cave dwellings, all of which offer complementary bedding and shelter (more or less). But for those looking to catch fun movie memorabilia or photos: beware, for there are none around the hotel. I’m not sure about you, but as much as I love Star Wars, the last thing I want to do is travel halfway around the world to temporarily live amongst the Sand People in a – and I’m not kidding when I say – literal hole in the desert.

If the constant threat of hostile attacks from Sand People and the extensive array of unforgiving guest reviews still don’t discourage you from visiting scenic Matmata… may the Force be with you.

Special Offer: Mention this article to Sidi Driss’ notoriously hospitable family owners and be automatically upgraded to a room with a window.

3. Quiddich World Cup

Muggles can’t fly (and by Muggles, I mean any and all persons living on Earth). Whether this discouraging fact of life is derived from our limited access to magic broomsticks or their altogether inexistence is an argument to be had at a later date. Either way, to competitively and professionally participate in, nonetheless spectate, an adapted sport whose most important and exciting element is unachievable seems like a disheartening investment of time. Nevertheless, every year more than 50 teams from around the world flock to hot-and-muggy (LOL…. get it?) Kissimmee, FL to compete in a 2-day carousel of headbands, sweaty athletes, and volunteer referees.

As much of a Harry Potter fan as I claim to be, I can’t imagine spending both my time and money to watch a humbling display of Muggle inferiority. For this reason, the IQA World Cup literally “stands” as our no. 3 worst “IT Vacation Idea.”

Special Offer: Mention this article to one of the referees to automatically award your team the snitch!

2. Intergalactic Mention: Majestic Mustafar

Only 53,000 light years away from The Core, in the Atravis Sector of the Outer Rim Territories rests the desolate refuge that is Mustafar. Claiming no moons, the starry night sky of this young planet is a truly unrivaled spectacle. Furthermore, one can witness the site where Anakin almost burned to death after being defeated by Obi-Wan in arguably the most underwhelming fight scene of the Imperial Period (mind the gigantic sea of exploding, molten lava). But if you are truly lucky, you may catch a glimpse of some native Mustafarians displaying their undistinguished leaping abilities across the lava fields to mine the planet’s natural resources (and you claimed to be the king of Hot Lava in 2nd grade, ha!)

You thought you knew jetlag… Try flying 300 trillion miles to a wasteland planet whose day is 34 hours long. On the other hand, if your affinity for Star Wars outweighed your rational insight in your decision to travel to Matmata, Mustafar should be next on your bucket list.

Special Offer: Mention this article to your Space Stewardess and receive a free gas mask!

1. Great Pacific Garbage Patch

What could be worse than Mustafar? I’ll tell you: 4 million square miles of inorganic waste. Also known as the Great Pacific Garbage Vortex, our no. 1 “Worst IT Vacation Idea” floats around somewhere between Hawaii and the Alaskan Archipelago. With estimates of its size ranging from 300,000 to 6 million square miles (and growing daily!) the world’s largest natural collection of garbage could be considered Earth’s 5th largest continent; and while the number of garbage-induced Sea Turtle deaths rapidly escalates, it could be considered the planet’s most insensitive as well. To truly experience the Vortex in all its glory, the multi-day Platinum Patch-Hopper Package is suggested.

The worst part about this vacation is that it’s REAL. However, this plastic continent may be too intimidating for novice Garbage Aficionados. If that’s the case, you might want to pay its trashy little cousin in the North Atlantic a visit first.

Special Offer: Mention this article to the Boat Captain and be automatically turned around!

Christopher Akin is a marketing intern and senior at Vanderbilt University.